Starts With Goodbye
by IlovetowriteSMP
Summary: It's the tale of Carly's latest plaaaaaan. JARLY. COMPLETE.
1. say goodbye to the boy?

**Starts with Good Bye**

This story is inspired by the song** _Starts With Good Bye_** by Carrie Underwood. This is my first attempt to write Jason and Carly from a first person point of view. The first Chapter is completely in Carly's POV and the next is in Jason's POV.

**Chapter One**

**Carly**

I never thought I would tell him this. I watch him laughing with my boys, sitting right across the room from me in my home, and my heart cracks a little more. This has been a long time coming yet I don't want to face it still.

Lainey says I can't pass up this opportunity. Not if the real reason I want to turn it down is so I don't have to leave Jason.

I've practiced saying this a few times but I'm still stalling. To do this feels like killing the last little piece of hope I had left for making things right with me and Jason.

But Lainey says that it died long ago. And I just have to accept it. Face reality.

Might as well get this over with. "Jase?"

He looks up. Michael and Morgan keep playing the video game but Jason stands and walks over to me.

God, he is my rock. How can I do this?

But I have to. Because of how I feel right now, my heart racing as his blue eyes connect with mine.

No matter how much I try to tell myself I don't _need _more from him I still _want_ more. It's something I figured I could live with for the rest of my life, my punishment for betraying him. But my therapist convinced me that as long as I am around Jason on a daily basis I will never let go of my hope that he will fall in love with me again. Choose me again. Make everything the way I always wanted it to be.

If that life is not an option I have to let it go. But how can I when I see those blue eyes, the shade that symbolizes safety in my world.

He must see the pain in my eyes or the grimace on my face. Maybe he just knows something is up with me, like he always does, because he says "What's wrong, Carly?"

"I told the boys and Sonny about this already. But I thought you should be the next to know. Remember how I told you the Metro Court is becoming a chain? Well, we are opening one in New Your City and ..."

His face stills. He knows what coming, I can see it.

"The kids and I are moving there next week."

Jason shakes his head, slowly, and in disbelief he says "You're leaving...town?"He tears his gaze from me and his eyes sweep over Michael and Morgan.

Don't fall apart now. This is not the end of the world. It just feels like it. Why am I doing this? Oh yeah, to be happy one day. This is what Lainey says it will take to make that happen. But how can leaving this man, who I have loved for so long now, lead to anything but pain?

I'm doing this so I can have a chance to not see him everyday. To forget that I wanted to spend every moment of the rest of my life loving him and that he didn't want that. To get over him finally. To stop hoping he'll change his mind.

But how can I stop hoping for that?

"Jase," I say

But he isn't hearing me. He looks away from my boys and then repeats softly "You're leaving town...me?"

"It's a great chance to build my business and, who knows, " I try to sound light and breezy. Everything I say is the truth but feels like a lie. "Maybe I will find the man of my dreams there. Either way, it should be good for my life, my independence."

"Is this a temporary thing?"

"Depends. It might be permanent if I like it there. If I can accomplish my goal."

If I can make you just a friend, in my heart, and stop thinking of you as the love of my life.

"And Sonny is okay with this?" Jason asks

It always comes back to Sonny. Can't we have one conversation without Sonny coming up?

I tell him, "Sonny will send a plane to get the boys every Friday night and bring them back on Sunday night. It is not a perfect solution but he knows I need to do this."

All I had to say to Sonny to convince him was "_Lainey says it will be good for me." _Sonnydoesn't ever want me to lose my mind again.

My first reaction to the offer from Jax that I go to supervise the opening of the new hotel was _"No way. You just want to get rid of me, Jax, because we aren't sleeping together anymore._"

And that is probably true. But what is keeping me in Port Charles now?

I could use a break from Sonny. Any time I see him upset I still want to try and fix him. And I can never let myself get lost in his darkness again.

I can always visit Mom and Lucas. Check in on Lulu over the phone. Or fly her in to see the city. She would probably love that. I know I would have at her age.

In the end, what it came down to and what I had to admit was that Lainey was right. The only _real _reason I did not want to leave town was I did not want to be away from Jason.

Which would be fine if he was just my best friend. That is all I am to him. But he is so many more things to me. He is the face of my dreams.

But, when my life is over, will I regret all the time I spent hoping he would one day love me again? Lainey says I will. She is a professional. She should know.

"Why?" asked Jason, his voice confused "Why do you_ need _to do this? I don't think it will be safe for you there without..."

"You?"

Jason's eyes clouded.

"I'll have guards." I tell him

Jason nods.

Say something, Jase! Tell me to not to go.

I didn't do this as a power play. I'm not trying to force him to beg me to stay. But, right now, I want him to so bad.

"I don't like this idea. Not at all, Carly. Send Jax to open the new hotel."

"Are you telling me not to go?" I know my voice is filled with hope and longing.

I hate that it betrays all I am trying so hard to hide. But I know I can't really hide a thing from Jason. He knows me - every ugly place inside me and every trait that makes me who I am. So he must know I have loved him since the days of secret romps over Jake's Bar. But he doesn't want me like that.

"Do what you want. I am just saying..." his voice trails off, leaving me wanting to yell at him. To shake him until he finishes that sentence. Is he saying he would miss be too much so I shouldn't leave?

"I'll stay if you ask me to." The words are out of my mouth on impulse.

Nice move. How very independent of me. Letting a man decide my future. Still I really ache for him to demand I don't leave Port Charles.

"I can't tell you how to live your life." Jason says. His voice is resigned. He is not going to fight for me.

Turning, I storm out of the house so the boys don't see their mother cry. I hate how Jason can make me feel so rejected. Yet he makes me feel accepted in every way at other times. Just not when I

try to take it too far. Not when I mention love.

His love is reserved for a woman he can trust with his heart. He is safe with his love and I am the biggest risk of all.

He will never go there again.

I kick the wooden beam on my front porch. Feelings of frustration, fear of a future without Jason, and sadness all mingle inside of me right now.

I'm going to have to do the impossible. Fall out of love with Jason Morgan.

_**  
So hard to see myself without him.**_

_**  
I felt a piece of my heart break.**_

_**  
But when you're standing at a crossroad,  
there's a choice you gotta make. **_

_**  
I guess it's gonna have to hurt!  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry!**_

_**  
And let go of some things I've loved  
to get to the other side.  
**_

_**Carrie Underwood lyrics**_


	2. letting the girl go

Chapter 2

**Jason**

I follow her onto the porch, not wanting to accept what she has she told me. Carly is leaving town.

She says she needs this and Sonny understands that. I have to try and do the same. I have to support her.

Placing my hand on her shoulder I say, "You're going to do great on your own, Carly."

She nods but won't look at me.

This is about more than work. I can feel it.

Gently turning her around, I see the tears in her eyes.

"Come on, Carly. Tell me the truth. Is this about running away from someone or something?"

"It's about growing up. I think it's time I do that, don't you?"

"You did that years ago. I saw you. When you had Michael you started to change..."

"Started to." Carly says, giving me a _let's be honest about this _look. It's one I have given her many times in the past. "But now it's time to go all the way. To try and let go of all my fantasies about what my life should be. I have to start accepting what my life is and isn't. Then, somehow, learn to be happy with that."

"And you can't do that here?"

She tilts her head and gives me a look.

"You're gonna miss me like hell, huh, Jase?" she jokes softly in that tone of voice that takes me back years.

I fall into a hole of memories that start out sweet, her legs wrapped around me and then times where we were everything to each other, and the bond that lead to a feeling of home and family for both of us. But the memories end in a black twist of pain that makes me close my eyes.

I shut it out, push it away, again. And focus on now.

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, Carly."

She's smiling at me, wearing her heart on her face. I can see how broken it is. If Carly would just tell me who hurt her this time then I would at least have someone to blame for making her want to leave.

"Maybe I should stay then." she says softly

Trying to give her what she needs I say, "Don't stay for me."

I can't let my need to see her, to know she is close by, to know I can go to her and smile and laugh and forget for a while, keep her here. I can't be selfish.

The fake smile she was trying so hard to hold slips away.

"Is this about Jax? Sonny?" I ask her

"Why does it have to be about love?"

"It always is with you."

Now I get a real smile from her. But her eyes are a well of sadness. "You know me too well. But you can't do anything to help me with this one, Jase. I need to go somewhere where I can't see what I have lost everyday standing right before me."

So that is the real reason she wants to get away from Port Charles. There are too many ghosts here.

I hate the idea of her having to turn corners and see places were I got shot, or a bomb went off, or someone broke her heart, tried to break her spirit. I don't want her to go through that.

Maybe this is for the best. But it sure doesn't feel like it. This sharp pain in my chest tells me that her leaving town is all wrong.

Carly continued, " I'll come back when I'm able to believe in a new future for me. Maybe it won't be my ultimate dream come true. But, hey, that was probably stupid to ever hope for. Not everyone gets the happy ever after stuff," she pauses and seems to wait for me to contradict her and then asks, "Right?"

"I guess."

She nods. It's decided. Could I have said something to change her mind? What was I supposed to say?

"So, there is one thing you can do for me." Carly says. "Come to my going away party at Metro Court the night before I leave. I know you hate parties but ..."

"I'll be there."

I'll do anything to give her what she needs. But I don't think I can pull this one off. How do I let her go with a smile?

_**  
I guess it's gonna break me down...**_

_**sometimes moving on **_

_**with the rest **_

_**of your life**_

_**  
Starts with goodbye.  
**_

_**Carrie Underwood Lyrics**_

Author's note- This story is very short, only nine chapters. So it should be all posted within one month. I found writing Jason's Point of View the most fun so I hope you like it.


	3. holding hands with the boy

**Chapter 3**

**Carly**

Tonight is my last hurrah in Port Charles. And so far it's been a blast. The music blared, the liquor flowed, and people danced right up until last call. Now, as most of the guests make their way to the elevator, my eyes move around the room to see who is sticking around for one last good bye.

There's Lucas, Mama, and Luke standing by the bar. Jason sits alone at a table across the room. He never stays to the end of any party. This is a real first. His face is stoic and I know he doesn't want to say good bye to me. But he going to do it anyway.

Lucky and Liz are still holding each other on the dance floor. Even though the song ended minutes ago and the lights turned on. The room is rapidly emptying around them but I doubt they notice.

Jax is saying good bye to guests as they wander out. Lulu breaks away from her friends and comes over to hug me.

"You better make me that bedroom in your new apartment like you promised. I'm coming to visit you at least once a month." Lulu says with a smile.

"Anytime you want. And call if things get crazy. Deal?"

"Sure, cuz.."

I watch her walk away and pray she won't make the same types of mistakes I did when I was her age.

"Bar keep," calls out Luke "Your finest champagne, please. It's time for a toast."

Smiling, I wave Jason over with my hand and mouth the words "Come on."

He slowly gets up and crosses over to me. My eyes stay on him the whole time, while I'm overcome by this bizarre feeling of him getting closer to me and farther away at the same time. Soon I will be gone form this place and my easy access to Jason will be over. Who knows when I will see his face again after tonight.

"Gather around!" Luke orders " I have a few things to tell my niece."

"Oh no." I say softly to Jason as I grab his hand and drag him over to Luke.

When all the Spencer's are in a circle and Jax is standing nearby, looking like he is not sure if he should stay or go, Luke says "To Caroline. May she kick butt and take names Spencer style in the Big Apple."

"To Carly." Bobbie said clicking his glass.

Everyone drinks.

Luke said "Another round on the Aussie."

Jax nodded at the bartender and the drinks were poured.

Lucas cleared his throat and then said "Here's hoping my big sister makes the Metro Court: New York a huge hit."

"Good luck, Carly." Lucky said

"Thanks." They really are sweet for doing this. There are times I feel like an outside in the Spencer clan and then nights like tonight when I'm one of them one hundred percent.

Luke said "And to NYC. May it survive the reign of Carly."

Everyone laughed and drank again.

Bobbie came over and said "I'm not saying good bye. Because I know you'll be back again. This is only so long for now, daughter. I love you."

"I love you too, mama."

After a bunch of hugs from my family they all headed for home. Luke was the last one to come up to me.

Luke said "Don't get in any trouble and make your mother worry."

"Do I _ever_ get in trouble?"

"Do you ever _not_?"

I laugh and promise, "I'll be good."

"I doubt it. But, at least, try and be bold. Knock 'em dead, Caroline."

"I plan to."

He said, " I have no doubt about that." and walked away

Jason's hand was still in mine. His face was impassive. Stone.

Don't close me out now, Jason.

I squeeze his hand and say, "Long night, huh?"

He nods but before he can say anything Jax comes over.

He says, "Call me as soon as you get in tomorrow. We need to go over numbers and talk about staffing issues."

"Sure, Jax. But let me get there and settled in before I worry about all that, okay?"

"Of course. " His eyes drop and he says " I guess I should go now then."

"Yeah." said Jason giving him a hard stare

I suspect Jason thinks Jax is one of the reasons I am leaving. But that's not hardly true. I can get over Jax. Hell, I don't even wonder what might have been with him. It was fun. Now it's over. Simple.

Jason is the one I need to get distance from. But he's, also, the one I also can't let go of tonight. Or maybe ever.

When Jax is gone and we are alone I say to him, "Let's sit., okay."

He pulls his hand out of mine and moves to a table.

It's past 2 am and my flight is at 8 in the morning. But I don't care. I can't let this be over yet.

"Thanks for staying, Jase. I wanted to tell you something anyway. And I would rather do this in person than over the phone later."

"Are you gonna tell me the whole story, now? What you have been holding back about this move?"

Looking at him I wonder how to start. He knows it all already but I don't think he ever really got the depths of my feeling for him. He knows I love him, want him, think we could work as a couple. But he never understood exactly what it costs me to not have a chance at getting what I want most.

Still how can I say it? I've said it all before and he just doesn't hear me. It's like he pulls away the instant I bring up US and he's in a shell inside himself far from me and what I am asking of him.

"I told you already. In this town I see what I couldn't have and I want a break from that."

"Like what? Sonny? Is this all about him?"

"He is who I wanted to talk to you about. If Sonny has another breakdown," I look Jason dead in the eye to make sure we are clear on this point, "don't call me. I can't go through that again."

"I understand. I'll deal with it."

"I'm sorry for leaving you to handle him alone."

"Don't worry about me or Sonny. If you have to leave to be happy then I want you to leave. We'll be okay."

But will I be okay without you?

I reach out and take both his hands in mine. "I'm gonna miss you every minute, Jase. You are a hard man to forget about."

"Then don't."

"I won't completely. But I have to a little bit. I have to give up some old dreams to get some new ones."

**There's another world inside of me that you may never see**

**There's secrets in this life that I can't hide**

**Well somewhere in this darkness**

**there's a light that I can't find **

**Well maybe it's too far away**

**Or maybe I'm just blind **

**Maybe I'm just blind **

**Three Doors Down**

He leaned forward and whispered, "I have to know Carly. I shouldn't ask but I have to."

His eyes are on me. And I see pain in them that I wish I could take away. This is killing me. This is a crazy idea and I'll never pull off finding a way to stop wanting this man.

"Ask." I say softly

"Just who is it you are trying so damn hard to get over?" His voice is low and ragged "Who did this to you? Tell me which one it was."

Why does he act like any other man could mean half as much to me as him? Doesn't Jason know it all comes down to him for me, every time.

There's no way to change that fact. Yet, according to my doctor, I have to try.

So I tell him the truth, one more time before I have to hit the the road, "It's you, Jason. Who else could it be?"

_**So hold me when I'm here **_

_**Right me when I'm wrong **_

_**Hold me when I'm scared **_

**_And love me when I'm gone_**...

_**Love me when I'm gone**_

**Three doors down lyrics**


	4. never say goodbye to his girl

**Chapter Four**

**Jason**

I sat in this car all night. Long after I hugged Carly while she cried in my arms and she said "It's no one faults. It just _is_ what it is. I still love you a little too much to really be happy with anyone else. But I'm going to work on that now. Just not here. Not around you."

Then she kissed my cheek and walked away.

I made it my car before I broke down. That was a success, I'd say. Then I spent the better part of five hours debating if I should go up to the hotel suite she had for the night and talk to her some more.

But what would I say?

This shouldn't still matter after so long. But it always has. I learned to deal, cope, get through. And so did she but now she doesn't have Sonny as the big obstacle between us. If we wanted we could go there again. And that fact is too much for her.

Some days it feels like too much for me too.

I question why I pull away from her when I know she wants more from me. But I can't be who she wants. I don't have it in me to believe in that future she dreamed up when she was pregnant with Michael. I let it go to survive years ago and it's not something I can just go for now.

If she really wanted it then she would have never chosen Sonny. But what happened is in the past. They were the couple that made it. We weren't.

I'm fine with that. So why can't I go home and go to bed?

Because taking care of Carly is a job I can't let go that easily. She's going to be out of my sight everyday for months, at the least, and I want to see her one more time. But I can't rehash why we don't work with her again.

A limo pulls up in front of the hotel and I watch as Max steps out of it. He goes inside and soon comes out carrying luggage. Carly follows behind him, wearing a black dress, black coat and a pair of sunglasses.

Max shoves the luggage in the trunk. Morgan, Michael and Leticia come out of the hotel and scramble into the limo.

It would be nice to hug the boys one more time but I don't want to upset them. Better to just watch from a distance.

Carly looks around. Does she see me? She raises her hand and pulls down the sunglasses. Our eyes lock.

Even from here I know she has spotted me. I can feel, even more than I see, her eyes squint, her mouth curves into a sad smile. She lifts her other hand and gives me the slightest wave.

Then the sunglasses go back on and she is moving toward the limo and out of Port Charles.

And I still didn't say good bye.

_**Everything I am**_

_**And everything in me**_

_**Wants to be the one you wanted me to be**_

_**I'll never let you down **_

_**even if I could **_

_**I'd give up everything **_

_**if only for your good **_

_**So hold me when I'm here**_

_**Right me when I'm wrong **_

_**Hold me when I'm scared **_

_**You won't always be there **_

_**So love me when I'm gone **_

_**Love me when I'm gone ...**_

_**When I'm gone**_

_**When I'm gone**_

_**When I'm gone **_

_**Three doors down lyrics**_


	5. Missing the Boy

**Author's note- since this story is completely finished already I will be posting it kind of quickly. Feel free to leave reviews whenever you find it. Hope you like my take on J and C trying to stay away from each other.**

**Chapter 5**

**Three Months Later**

**Carly**

I hurry down the hallway, filled with construction materials, and into my office, one of the only rooms in the building completely renovated. The foreman on this project promises the hotel will be ready by our Grand Opening next month. I have serious doubts. But he knows he better come through or face my wrath.

My cell phone rings right on time. "Hi, Lainey."

"Hello, Carly. How are things going today?"

Lainey calls me three times a week for therapy sessions over the phone.

"Hectic as usual but I'm handling it.**_"_**

"Feeling overwhelmed?"

"Not at all. This is a cake walk compared to the average day during my marriage with Sonny."

"Glad to hear you are coping well. Enjoying your time in New York otherwise?"

"The city will never bore me that is for sure."

"Thinking of staying once the hotel opens?"

"I don't think that would be fair to my children."

"What about for yourself ? What do you want for your future?"

Here we go again.

I'm happy to just stay even each day, no heartbreaking lows that make me want to give up like during my breakdown. But Lainey always pushes for more. She wants me to plot out my future and work toward it. Otherwise, she claims, I will just stumble into another life, marriage, or situation that is unplanned and unhealthy.

"I want, " I tell her "to be proud of myself. And I am where my business is concerned. But I also have just as strong of a desire to be a good mother. So if that means moving closer to Sonny so that his seeing the kids doesn't involve a plane trip than that is what I will have to do."

"Have you spoken to Sonny lately?"

"Only concerning the kids."

"No, fantasies of getting back with him?"

"I'm beyond over that."

"Okay. And the truce is holding with Jax?"

"It's strange to work with him now that we are broken up. But I think he knows, just like I do, that we weren't right for each other long term."

"And any thoughts about Jason?"

Lainey tries to help me but I am starting to think she is off base with her declarations that I have to give up my hopes on Jason ever loving me back. She just doesn't get how big of a piece of me is invested in that dream. I don't know what I'd feel like if I completely let it go. I have been trying but I would be lying if I said I had gotten anywhere with it.

"Of course I think about Jason."

"In what context?"

" I worry if he has someone to talk to. We haven't even spoken in months. Sonny says he is fine but can I believe that? Sonny doesn't know Jason like I do. I wonder if he is back with Sam. Would he call me if they got engaged? Married? And if I could be happy for him then. I mean really in my heart glad that they have each other and not jealous. Would that mean I'm past him finally?"

"Do you think you could feel that way?"

"No way in hell. I rooted for him and Courtney and Jason's heart was broken. I don't want to let another woman do that to him again."

"And you wouldn't do that? So you should be with him?"

"Is that so wrong to believe?"

Lainey sighed, "It is. Only because, as far as everything you have told me, Jason does not ever want to reunite with you. So you are setting yourself up for heartache.**_"_**

"I can handle that. I have before. I can accept he doesn't want more. But I can't make my heart stop wishing he did. It's just not possible."

"You seem to be doing well in New York. Maybe all you need is more time away. Have you started dating again?"

"I've been on a few."

"Anyone that could turn serious?"

"If you are asking me is there anyone I met who will mean more to me than Jason or who I would choose over him then no."

I don't want to feel these way. By this time in my life I thought I would be more mature than this. If a man doesn't want me I should be away to accept that. And I can with every man but Jason.

I'm trying to put him firmly in the friendship category of my heart.

It's not working. And I am not sure I want it to.

_**I can't go a day without your face**_

_**going through my mind. **_

_**In fact,**_

_**not a single minute **_

_**passes without you in it.**_

_**Your voice, your touch, memories of your love**_

_**are with me all of the time **_

_**Let me let go, baby**_

_**Let me let go**_

_**If this is for the best**_

_**Why are you still in my heart?**_

_**Are you still in my soul ?**_

_**Let me let go !**_

_**Faith Hill lyrics**_


	6. The Girl in the City

**Chapter 6**

**Jason**

Sonny sent me to New York City for a meeting. I'm not planning to stop by and see Carly and the kids. She needs her space. I have to respect that.

I haven't called her in months. Instead I am _reduced _to getting updates from Max or Michael when he's home visiting Sonny.

Pathetic.

She is my best friend and I'm on the outside now. I never thought we'd be in this place. It was always a tightrope walk between me and her when it came to that four letter L word. A delicate balance that I thought we mastered somewhere around the middle of her marriage to Sonny. By then we knew what we could be to each other and what we couldn't.

I accepted where the line was and learned to deal with it. But Carly never really did. I knew that. Still as long as she was with someone else, or I was, we could avoid the subject.

I should have _guessed _it would come up as soon as we were both single. But I didn't.

I blame myself because Carly is hurting over me. I miss her like crazy. But I shouldn't go to her apartment today. It would only sabotage her attempts to once and for all let the idea that we will one day work all our stuff out and be a couple again die.

And I want her to be able let go of that dream.

Yeah, sure I do. Why wouldn't I? It will just be odd, that's all.

The radio station that I am listening to, in order to hear about traffic, ends the news segment and starts playing Matchbox Twenty,

**I** **think **

**I've already lost you**

**  
I think you're already gone**

**  
I think I'm finally scared now**

**  
You think I'm weak  
But I think you're wrong...  
**

As I drive over the George Washington Bridge, my cell rings. The screen says Max. He stays with Carly full time now.

"Yeah? Everything alright?" I ask. I can hear how anxious my own voice is but I can't help worrying whenever Carly isn't in Port Charles.

"Fine." Max answers " I just thought you would want to know the kids are requesting a new bodyguard. They say Marco doesn't like to do anything fun like play video games or football in the park."

"I'll send Milo on a flight tomorrow."

"Thanks."

"So, no threats to any of them.? No one hanging around who shouldn't be?"

"Everything's real quiet. There's been no problems since we moved here."

"And ..." I know I'll sound like an ass asking this but I have to know."Uh... yeah... does Carly seem happy to you?"

"Pardon?"

"Happy, Max. Does she seem happy?"

"She seems fine."

"What about her eyes? Are they..."

"What?"

This is ridiculous. I don't know how to describe it but there is a look in Carly's eyes that tells me if everything is okay or not with her.

"Forget it." I tell him "Is she home?"

"Yeah, you want to talk to her?"

"No. Just don't let her leave. I'm on my way."

"Well how do I stop Mrs. C? You know she doesn't listen to me." Max sounds panicked.

"You can handle it, Max. She likes you."

"Oh, oh. Okay. I'll figure something out if she wants to leave. Maybe I can tell her the car has a flat tire. No, no, that wouldn't work. Hmmm maybe..."

"I'm on my way."

The song on the radio is now spitting my thoughts right out of the speakers,

**If you're gone maybe it's time to come home.**

**  
There's an awful lot of breathing room  
but I can hardly move.**

**  
If you're gone,**

**baby, you need to come home.**

**  
'Cuz there's a little bit of something in me  
in everything in you**

**Matchbox 20**

**  
**Why am I doing this? Because I have to see for myself she's all right. And maybe her experiment worked. Maybe she is done wanting to be with me. Maybe she doesn't miss me at all.

I should just go home and wait for her to make the first move. But instead I hang a left at the next stop light and start to make my way toward her apartment.

Carly has been a part of me so long that I just don't do well without her around.

Maybe I have some lost dreams I need to get over myself.

_**The lights of this strange city**_

_**are shining**_

_**but they don't hold no fascination for me.**_

_**I try to find the bright side, baby **_

_**but everywhere I look ,everywhere I turn**_

_**You're all I see**_

_**Let me, let me let go, **_

_**baby, won't you?**_

_**Let me let go!**_

_**It just isn't right !**_

_**I've been two thousand miles **_

_**Down a dead-end road **_

_**Oh, let me let go, darlin', **_

_**Faith Hill Lyrics**_


	7. The Boy Apologizes

**Chapter 7**

**Thanks to everyone who left a review. You are awesome!!!!! **

**Carly**

Max is acting strange. Instead of supervising the other guards, like he usually does, he is following me around the kitchen asking me what I'm doing for the rest of the night. He's a ball of nervous energy and I have no clue what is up with him.

"Why? Do you need time off., Max?"

"No, it's not that. But your aren't planning on going anywhere, are you?"

"I was thinking of taking the kids to see the latest Disney movie. Why? You got a better offer for me?"

"What? Um, I don't know. Um. When does the movie start? Not soon, right?"

"In a half hour."

His face contorted in a odd way and he mumbled "Oh crap."

" Why do you care, Max? Come on, what is up?"

"Nothing. Not a thing. But I think the car has a flat."

"Okay. We'll take a cab."

"Cabs are dangerous."

I raise an eyebrow. "We take cabs all the time."

"Mr. Corinthos said no cabs. Yep, no cabs anymore. I meant to tell you that."

"Fine, a bus then."

"Buses are worse the cabs!" he spits out.

What is wrong with him? He is acting as if all the buses in New York city are wired with explosives like in that movie Speed.

Max adds, " There is no way to cover all the security risks on a bus."

"You're not making any sense. Are you feeling okay?"

"And no subway either. Just stay home, okay. Make it a blockbuster night, Mrs. C., please."

"Is there something you're keeping from me? One of Sonny's enemies threaten us?"

"Yes. That's it!" said Max loudly. I could **totally** tell he was lying "You figured it out. So we have to all stay inside tonight just in case. Thanks for understanding, Mrs. C."

Then he practically ran from the kitchen.

Max was a good friend and great bodyguard but he had his weird moments for sure.

After popping popcorn and getting the kids settled in with a movie I heard the doorbell ring. Since not many people ever stopped by it is probably just a delivery.

Morgan snuggles into my lap as the movie starts. Michael's on the floor in front of the sofa. A minutes passes and then my ears ring at the loud screech of excitement the kids let out when Jason walks into the room.

They are running to him and hugging him in an instant. They saw him just last weekend, back in Port Charles, yet they miss him already.

My ache for him is magnified a million times greater than theirs. And yet I am supposed to be learning to need him less, not more.

His eyes look over their heads at me. And I can't help smiling like an idiot.

I take in all his features, drinking him in like he is water and I am about to die from thirst.

The three months apart haven't changed a thing. I doubt thirty years would. I am hopeless when it comes to Jason. I just love him. I just _do_.

If that is wrong then I'll be wrong till the day I die.

His eyes fill with concern and I realize I must be broadcasting my tortured thoughts all over my face.

"Boys, can you go up to your rooms so Jason and I can talk?"

"Will you read me a story later, Uncle Jason?" Morgan asks

"Don't I always, kid?"

Morgan smiles. "Course. 'Kay, see you later."

Michael takes his brothers hand and leads him from the room.

I stand up as Jason walks over. "Hi."

"Hey. You doing okay?" he asks me

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He scowls. "That's no answer."

I make my voice light. "The hotel is going great. Did you come all this way to ask about that? The phone still works, you know."

"I didn't think you wanted me to call."

"When have I ever **_not_** wanted you to call?"

His face is a mask of concern. Worry furrows his brows. In a strained voice he asks, trying to sound casual but it totally fails, "So, is your plan working?"

I should have never told him. But I don't keep things from Jason. He finds out eventually anyway.

With as much levity as I can muster I say, smiling, "Oh, that crazy idea to stop loving you? Not working at all. But _anyway_," I drag out the word, making it clear I am changing the subject, " how are things in Port Charles? Any good gossip? And don't tell me you don't pay attention to stuff like that. You have to know at least one hot piece of news. Ric acting like Norman Bates this week?"

Jason shakes his head at me. "Stop joking around, Carly. I came here to find out if your through with all this. Are you coming home soon?"

_I miss you, too, _I want to say but instead I softly answer, "Not quite yet, Jase."

He nods and then sits on the couch. He lets out a breath. " I hope I didn't mess up things by coming here."

Sitting next to him, I angle my body in his direction and say "No more than I've messed up things in the past. I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah?" He sounds like he thinks I'm lying. But I'm not.

I am honestly thrilled he is sitting here next to me. The only thing I am upset about is that I ever tried to push him away.

I tell him, " I think Lainey's wrong about us. About me. I'm not going to get to a day when I can tell my heart it's okay to feel _this much love for you_ but not a bit more. That friendship is fine but don't hope for more. My heart just doesn't **work** that way. I'll just have to be a little less than perfectly sane and Lainey will have to accept that."

"I'm sorry, Carly. I did this. I'm making you suffer."

"You're right. You suck. Stop being so damn perfect so I can love you less."

He smiled. "Be serious."

"No. I don't want to be serious. And I sure as hell don't want to be sad right now. I want to enjoy you being here. How long can you stay?"

"I have no where else to be."

"So stay a while. Stay for a week."

"You sure?"

I know I want him too."If you are."

"Sure. Why not?" he says shrugging his shoulders.

Because I'll love every minute of it and want more, more, more.

Because I'll never want you to go home without me.

But I say, " No reason I can think of."

_**I keep on falling**_

_**in and out **_

_**of love with you**_

_**Sometimes I love you **_

_**Sometimes you make me blue**_

_**Sometimes **_

_**I feel good **_

_**At times I feel used **_

_**Loving you darling **_

_**makes me so confused **_

_**Alicia Keys Lyrics**_


	8. The Girl has a back up plan

**Chapter 8**

**Jason**

That smile gets me every time. She's looking at me with her devilish glint in her eye as she cheats at poker. Max hasn't caught on yet. He's too taken with her charms to see anything else.

She has most men, including me, wrapped around her little finger.

Marco is on to her though. He says without humor, in a completely flat voice, "What a surprise. You win another huge pot."

Carly winks at me. "Yeah, I'm just lucky like that."

"Game over, guys." I tell them

"Okay, Boss."says Frankie and all the guys clear out of the room, grumbling about their losses.

"Happy with yourself?" I ask her

She plays innocent. "What?"

With one look from me she breaks, "Aww, come one , Jase. If they can't see me palming cards they deserve to lose."

I can't help laughing at her logic but warn her, "You're going to mess with the wrong person one day."

"And then you will come and save me. So I'm not worried."

She's right.

Carly stands and stretches and then she's plopping onto my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. All casual like she knows I won't mind.

I don't.

"You're," Carly tells me with a easy smile "my back up plan in any situation. That should be my new nickname for you, Back up plan."

"Don't call me that in public. Please."

"Okay, Back up plan."

"Or in private."

She pouts. "You're no fun."

I ask her, "Who have you been giving a hard time since you didn't have me around here to harass?"

It's a joke but her face grows serious."No one. I was just working and thinking."

Thinking about how to stop loving me.

I should be happy she wants to do that. But it feels like someone has stabbed me in the gut every time I think about it. I guess I just counted on Carly loving me. Some things, I always thought before now, were just facts.

The sun is in the sky during the day, the moon is in the sky at night, and Carly loves me_ just a little bit more_ than she loves any other man. It might be selfish and wrong to not want that to change but I don't.

I thought I did want her stop, I certainly always told her it would be the smart thing for her to do. But now that she says she wants it too- it changes everything. I feel stomach clenching fear at the thought of her not wanting me anymore. I feel like she will slip away and move on and ...

How do I live with her not loving me?

Watching her eyes, I ask "Got it all figured out?"

"No."

"So if you can't... _do_ what you came here to do. Are you never coming home?"

"Would that upset you?" She tries to make her voice light "Or would you glad to be rid of me? Glad to get a break from my constant neediness? My 'Save me, save me, Jason!' routine."

"I'm here. I guess I didn't like my break all that much."

She studies my face."Sonny didn't send you to check on me?"

"No. I was in town for a meeting and just wanted to drop by. I..."

"Missed me?" she murmurs softly " Not as much as I missed you, Jase."

In her eyes I see that old familiar longing. And I wonder what she sees in mine- fear, regret, desire?

Whatever it is she closes her eyes and sighs then stands and says "Okay, enough talk. We have that all worked out. Let's go out somewhere. Drink. See the city together." She grabs my hand to pull me out of my seat but I don't budge.

Lost in thoughts of her staying away from Port Charles because of me I hold onto her hand and say softly " I don't think we have it all figured out yet."

"Jase, "she breathes out "don't do this to me, not now. I'm trying to not think about this anymore...to put it behind me somehow..."

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. In a low voice I ask her, "Do you think we could ever really do that?"

Even as I ask her I am asking myself the same thing. I feel like I am falling over an edge. I just can't lose her. I can't.

I knew it would be hard to be without her. But over the last few months I found myself wanting to see her all the time. And being disappointed I couldn't. I started to think she was building a life without me, on purpose, and I hated that idea.

All these crazy years we have spent as best friends I had counted on her more than I thought. It was easy to tell her we could only be friends because I thought she would settle. And stay. And love me anyway.

Carly has to love me. Because without that I don't know who I am. I don't want to be the man Carly used to love. I don't want to keep pushing her away until she is so far gone I can never get her back.

I whisper, "You think we can put us in the past for good this time?"

Now she's looking at me with big eyes filled with the world. All my past is there, a thousand different futures stare back at me. I could have them if I just give in to this thing that is strung between her and I.

It could all go to hell in the end. But right now I want her too bad to care. I've missed her and feared I would have to keep missing her for months, years, maybe forever. And that thought - of her living forever without me- is what has pushed me to this point.

She pulls away from me and says harshly "No, I don't think we ever can get over us, Jason! That is what I have always tried to tell you. But you won't believe in us. Not like I do."

I stand up and say, trying so hard to be reasonable, "A lot has changed since we first met, Carly. It's not like we can just go back."

She sighs and tells me, "Right. Yeah, I knew you would say that. So I have to try and heal my heart. But I can't. I can't if you keep being YOU. Because I'll always love who you are."

Her voice drops and she continues," So what do I**_ do _**now, Jase? Huh? Tell me how to stop loving you so damn much! Because I want to stop." She sounds tortured as she murmurs, " I do. I do."

The tears start to fall from her eyes and my heart breaks open. Nothing rips me apart more than

watching this woman cry.

Pulling her into my arms I whisper "But I don't want you to." And then I'm kissing her and finding what I need, what I have gone without for too long.

_**I keep on falling**_

_**in and out **_

_**of love with you**_

_**I never loved someone**_

_**the way that I loved you**_

_**Oh, Oh, I never felt this way**_

_**How do you give me so much pleasure?**_

_**And cause me so much pain?**_

_**'Cause when I think **_

_**I'm taking more than would a fool **_

_**And I start falling**_

_**back in love with you**_

_**I'm falling**_

_**I'm falling**_

_**fall, fall, fall, fall**_

_**Alicia Keys lyrics**_


	9. Kisses from the Boy

Chapter 9

**Carly**

I'm on a high. I smile at him as he sleeps next to me in bed.

Jason spent the last week here. I try not to think too much. I don't want to jinx the future but this has been the best week of my life. Because he loves me. He makes loves to me. And though he hasn't said the words I see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice , feel it in his hands on my body.

Never again will I be foolish enough to try to stop loving Jason. No matter what happens now I know that this feeling I have carried in my heart since the first time he kissed me is true and real.

Jason is meant for me. To be the one I can rely on for life and hold onto through the hardest times.

And, on some days,**_ like now _**he is the one I get to feel this amazing sense of joy with. This flying without a net feeling of abandon that I only feel with him.

I'm safe. I'm loved. I don't mind the years I spent wondering if we would get here. Because, now that we have made it to the start of something new, all that time feels like a blink.

Jason opens one eye and catches me, sitting up in bed, watching him.

He smiles, yawns and says "Don't you ever sleep?"

"I'm too happy to waste time sleeping."

_**I could stay awake just to hear you breathing**_

_**  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping**_

_**While you're far away dreaming**_

_**  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever**_

_**  
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure**_

_**Aerosmith lyrics**_

His sits up and his hand traces the outline of my jaw."You look beautiful when you're happy, Carly."

He kisses me softly. He pulls away.

I groan and whisper, "No, no, don't stop kissing me. Never stop kissing me."

He pulls me down on the bed and angles his body over mine. Looking down he says "Be careful what you asks for. You know I can't say no to you."

"Then say yes."

"You sure," he kisses my shoulder "you want," he kisses me lower "me to never stop kissing you?"

"I'm positive, Jase."

_**Don't want to close my eyes  
I don't want to fall asleep  
Cause I'd miss you baby**_

_**  
And I don't want to miss a thing**_

_**  
Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do**_

_**  
I'd still miss you baby**_

_**  
And I don't want to miss a thing**_

_**Aerosmith Lyrics  
**_

He raises his head and our eyes connect. "Looks like your plan didn't work, huh?' he teases "The one to get over me."

The nerve of him to bring that up right now... I grin and say "They never do but I always get what I

want in the end. "

He kisses my body again and between kisses he says "Thank God, you do."

_**I don't want to miss one smile  
I don't want to miss one kiss**_

_**  
I just want to be with you  
Right here with you, just like this**_

_**  
I just want to hold you close**_

_**  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
**_

_**And just stay here**_

_**in this moment**_

_**  
For all the rest of time...**_

_**I don't want to miss a thing**_

**_Aerosmith Lyrics_**

THE END

**_Like falling when you're trying to fly  
It's sad, _**

_**but moving on with the rest of your life**_

_**  
Starts with Goodbye**_

_**Carrie Underwood Lyrics**_

Author's note- The next Jason and Carly story I will post is called **And a Million Years Gone By. **I warn you that is it the saddest J and C story I could ever write. It is very short, only 4 mini chapters.

After that I will post a Jason and Carly story that has romance, bold acts of loyalty and crushing moments of heartache. It is called **The Last Mrs. Morgan**.


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